The St. Tosia Courier published an article today, which included an interview between Raul Escrobar, the Courier’s investigative reporter and Carlene Cratchlow-Diggins M.D., the Minister of Health, Wellness and Sport as well as Jojo Monserrat, the Director of the Office of Disaster Preparedness and Management.
The opening general statement of the honorable Minister Cratchlow-Diggins was reassuring that there are no virus infection cases on the island at all, and she went on to say that “There will probably be more casualties on St. Tosia from Rum Addictions than any virus could bring on.”
“Nothing wrong about drinking a high octane rumbustion or a passion colada with a swizzle stick, an orchid and a sprig of mint as a daily preventive medicine while the sun dips into the sea and darkness sets in over the island, and guaranteed, nothing will sneak up on you”, Disaster Director Jojo Monserrat volunteered; a remark which visibly irritated the health minister.
When she was asked about social distancing, the Minister stated that as a matter of prevention, she had advised the islanders to increase the consumption of fresh raw garlic and chew well on it before swallowing it. It automatically will cause distancing. It will encourage people to wear masks to prevent receiving the penetrating odor spread by others. Even viruses will be repelled by the smell from the mouth or the ventilation from the alternative opening below on the other side.
When the same question about social distancing was directed to Jojo Monserrat, Director of the Office of Disaster Preparedness and Management, he responded that: “Two persons don’t fit in one hammock in the Caribbean anyway.”
To which the Health Minister reacted with a “Shut-up Jojo, you don’t know the difference between a virus infection and a fleabite. The only reason why you got your Director post is because your step-uncle, Mo, our Minister of National Security and Intelligence wanted you to have a civil servant position to be able to make a living.” No more questions in the interview were directed to Jojo.
The interviewer asked the Minister: “When there were no indications of the virus on the island, then why was the St.Tosia Carnival cancelled?” The Minister’s response: “Carnival is a time to let your hair down and jump for joy. St.Tosians pull out all the stops for Carnival. It spreads euphoria through its dance, music, food and people. Spreading anything by all the stops being pulled out is something we don’t need right now. Not even a need for a baby boom nine months after a carnival.”
When the question was asked how she sees the future related to the virus she responded that “Proper cough and sneeze etiquette is of high importance. There is no way to sneeze your way out of a virus pandemic! Our first and most foremost aim is to keep patients healthy at any price!” In an editor’s comment, the “at any price” was interpreted as possessing a credit card with a descent credit limit in order to keep the good health promise.
The article in the St.Tosia Courier also included a different point of view in a separate interview with Jeremiah “Docdoc” Hangoun who practices his traditional healing in a shack with a roof of palm tree leaves on the Kalinago Hillside, and St.Tosia’s marketing Guru Nandan Mahasundaram who partners with Docdoc in commercial matters?
“In traditional natural healing, we are prepared for anything that may happen’ said Docdoc. “I saw the crisis coming. I receive a lot of my healing inspiration in dreams and see the plant leaves and roots that are needed for a cure. Normally, I make special tea, infusions in rum, or oils. This situation is a bit more difficult and it took several dreams. For the COVID-19 virus, I have developed a psychedelic herbal potion used for physical and psychological healing and divine revelation. This brew will cure anything from depression, to addiction, to any viral infection. We have decided to call it ’Anti-Covid-X-Plus’ ”
The question of how it is used was brought up in the interview, since it might provide some indication of the credibility of the remedy’s effectiveness. Docdoc’s explanation:
“The oil is applied on the skin behind both ears and then it will have its effect between the ears as the finely refined oil is quickly absorbed by the skin and then slowly penetrates the skull. The liniment contains eicosanoids, and it is common knowledge that these eicosanois are signaling molecules made by oxidation of twenty-carbon essential fatty acids. They exert complex control over many bodily systems and as messengers in the central nervous system. It may make a patient go all hot and cold which proves the impact.”
And what does marketing guru Nandan Mahasundaram have to say?
“For one, ’Anti-Covid-X-Plus’ is guaranteed never to fail. There will be a steady demand for the potion during the pandemic. There is a tremendous opportunity to export it to those countries that do not have their act together yet and where suggestions are made to use anything from toilet cleaner to starlight to fight the virus. We intend to export it in six-packs of boutique bottles that will have an authentic natural and exotic tropical Caribbean look. That for itself has the added magic for financial gain and justifying a higher price, of course. It will boost the economy of our paradise island St.Tosia and it may get us placed on Google Earth.”q
About the author.
The almost true stories and almost believable stories of St.Tosia are written by Cdr. Bud Slabbaert who claims that it reflects what he experiences while residing on St.Tosia and monitoring what else is going on in the Caribbean.
